Ted Cruz is a person. Furthermore, Ted Cruz is a person who just so happens to be running for president. However, prior to his years as the Presidential Candidate Most Likely to Blasphemously Overuse Princess Bride References, Cruz was just someone's purportedly annoying college roommate:
My freshman year college roommate Ted Cruz is going to be elected Senator. In case I hadn't made it clear, he's also a huge asshole.
-- Craig Mazin (@clmazin) October 26, 2012
As noted by the interwebs, those are the words of Craig Mazin, noted screenwriter and ex-roommate of one Ted Cruz. If you're thinking "Yeah but that was, like, four years ago," then please refer to the additional gems below:
I have 30k followers now, and all I had to do was be stuck in a room with Ted Cruz for a year. I'm sure you're all nice, but SO NOT WORTH IT
-- Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 18, 2016
Getting emails blaming me for not smothering Ted Cruz in his sleep in 1988. What kind of monster do you think I am? A really prescient one?
-- Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 15, 2016
As a freshman, I would get into senior parties because I was Ted's roommate. OUT OF PITY. He was that widely loathed. It's his superpower.
-- Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 10, 2016
Second memory: Ted would talk about the women he thought he had a shot with. Pretty sure he remained untouched by a woman those four years.
-- Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 10, 2016
Ted would leave a greasy film on everything. My friend Erik dubbed the substance "Cruhz," rhymes with "scuzz." Now there's Cruhz on my TV.
-- Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 10, 2016
As noted above, Mazin's purportedly obnoxious roommate is actively seeking that POTUS spot while simultaneously spewing absolute nonsense like this little gem he gifted to NPR: "The scientific evidence doesn't support global warming." Brutal.
